Today I’d like to introduce you to Lindsay Rose Holistic Health. Lindsay will be offering complimentary Shiatsu Chair Massages in our Parents Pampering Corner! I firmly believe it’s important for parents to find a little time for themselves now and then so why not take a few minutes at the resource fair to take a deep breath and relax!

In the meantime, I will be checking email so if you need to get in touch please do so!
applestoorangesconsulting@gmail.com

Adios Amigos!

If you haven’t heard of the DSM, it is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.  It’s published by the American Psychiatric Association and provides a common language and standard criteria for the classification of mental disorders.

So it’s the book used when children are being diagnosed with Autism, Aspergers and PDD-NOS.

Marianne Sarola-Russo the host of The Coffee Klatch Blog Talk Radio interviews Temple Grandin, and authors of “Bright Not Broken“, Rebecca Banks and Diane Kennedy.

Temple, Rebecca and Diane discuss their concerns with the changes, the addition of a multitude of new disorders and their fear that children with autism are going to be misdiagnosed due to the new criteria and what that means then for receiving services.

This interview is worth the time to listen as these changes will affect us all!

Listen to the Interview Here

Click Below to Check out Diane & Rebecca’s book “Bright Not Broken – Gifted Kids, ADHD and Autism”

We all want to make the right decisions when it comes to our child. In this 30 minute webinar you’ll learn how to avoid common pitfalls parents encounter when making these big decisions!

Watch Webinar Now!

As parents we say things like our health is a priority but we don’t eat properly. Or we say our marriage is a priority but we haven’t gone a date night since the kids were born. Sound familiar?

When you add onto that occupational therapy appointments, speech therapy appointments, behaviour consultant appointments, doctors appointments, etc. etc. there just never seems to be enough time in the day.

Well, I’m here to tell you, we’re going to find that time back! It’s there, it’s just hiding.

This week we’re going to put our actions where our mouth is. Or at least we’re going to start moving in that direction. Baby steps…I know!

I have an exercise for you to do this week that will really help you prioritize things and find time for the most important things in your life.

This is an exercise I take parents through when I’m helping them transition to the GFCF diet and they are trying to fit in new routines that align with their priority of health for their child. I’ve used it myself a couple of times when I felt the need to realign my daily actions with my true priorities.

Before you start you’ll need a few things:

So I want you to print off this one week planner.

This planner only has the hours listed. Write in the half hours in between.

The other thing you’ll need is 4 or 5 highlighters or coloured pencils.

Next, I’d like you to read this little story:

The Jar of Life

One day, an old professor of the School of Public Management in France, was invited to lecture on the topic of “Efficient Time Management” in front of a group of 15 executive managers representing the largest, most successful companies in America. The lecture was one in a series of five lectures conducted in one day, and the old professor was given one hour to lecture.

Standing in front of this group of elite managers—who were willing to write down every word that would come out of the famous professor’s mouth—the professor slowly met eyes with each manager, one by one, and finally said, ‘we are going to conduct an experiment’.

From under the table that stood between the professor and the listeners, the professor pulled out a big glass jar and gently placed it in front of him. Next, he pulled out from under the table a bag of stones, each the size of a tennis ball, and placed the stones one by one in the jar. He did so until there was no room to add another stone in the jar. Lifting his gaze to the managers, the professor asked, ‘Is the jar full?’ The managers replied, ‘Yes’.

The professor paused for a moment, and replied, ‘Really?’ Then once again, he reached under the table and pulled out a bag full of pebbles. Carefully, the professor poured the pebbles in and slightly rattled the jar, allowing the pebbles to slip through the larger stones, until they settled at the bottom. Again, the professor lifted his gaze to his audience and asked, ‘is the jar full?’

At this point, the managers began to understand his intentions. One replied, ‘apparently not!’

‘Correct’, replied the old professor, now pulling out a bag of sand from under the table. Cautiously, the professor poured the sand into the jar. The sand filled up the spaces between the stones and the pebbles. Yet again, the professor asked, ‘is the jar full?’ Without hesitation, the entire group of students replied in unison, ‘No!’

‘Correct’, replied the professor. And as was expected by the students, the professor reached for the pitcher of water that was on the table, and poured water in the jar until it was absolutely full. The professor now lifted his gaze once again and asked, ‘What great truth can we surmise from this experiment?’

With his thoughts on the lecture topic, one manager quickly replied, ‘We learn that as full as our schedules may appear, if we only increase our effort, it is always possible to add more meetings and tasks.’ ‘No’, replied the professor.

‘The great truth that we can conclude from this experiment is: If we don’t put all the larger stones in the jar first, we will never be able to fit all of them later.’

Isn’t that great?! I LOVE that little story.

Okay, now let’s put this into action. I want you to think of 4 or 5 of your big priorities in life, the stones in your life. For many people these are health, family, work, household management and time to them self.

I want you to add up all of the waking hours you have in a week. For most people it’s somewhere around 112 hours. I then want you to take a look at these different “stones” in your life and decide how many hours you’d like to ideally be spending on each one.

Assign one colour of highlighter to each of these. Then take a look at the first day on your daily planner starting with the time you get up. Using your highlighters start marking your day according to how you spend it using these 4 topics as your guidelines.

For example, I have a little “me” time when I first get up because I get up before everyone else. Then from about 6:30am to 9am it’s family time as I get everyone fed, dressed and to their various destinations. From 9am to 10:30am I have work time. Then 10:30am to 10:45am I have a little break which might be “me” time or might be “household” time if I’m doing something like throwing some laundry in. Back to work by about 10:45am to noon. Then some “me” time as I eat lunch and maybe read a book. Then back to work, then pick up kids, then tidy the house, then make dinner, then….

You get the idea!!

Now add up the hours for each different colour you’ve used and compare that with how many hours you said you would IDEALLY like to be spending in each area.

Hmmmm…..is it even close?

Don’t worry if it’s not. That’s what this is all about! This is about recognizing where our talk is not matching our actions.

Okay, that’s it for this week! I’ll leave you to sit with that and next week we’ll take the next step in moving toward our aligning our actions with our true priorities.

Now, to reward you for all of your hard work…

Another Giveaway! – Rhinestone Heart Necklace from Fabulous Accessories

This gorgeous necklace has been donated by Nicole from Fabulous Accessories. At a Fabulous Accessories party you can indulge your friends with the Ultimate Personal Shopping Experience. Shop for current, trend-setting fashion accessories! It’s casual, no pressure and most of all Fun!! The Prices are Fabulous and hostess rewards are great!!

If you’d like to see more of what Nicole has to offer visit her facebook page or her website.

How to Enter!!

You can enter up to 4 times by doing each of these things.

1. Visit Nicole’s website and come back and let us know what your favourite item is.

2. Visit Nicole’s Facebook page and leave a comment under the giveaway post on her wall.

3. Leave a comment below about your biggest surprise in doing this week’s Jar of Life exercise.

4. Everyone who subscribes to the Apples to Oranges Newsletter will get another entry.  (Don’t worry, if you already subscribe, I’ll give you another entry for being a loyal fan.

Good luck!!  The winner will be announced next Monday, January 30th.

Last week’s winner of the Robin’s Egg Necklace is Victoria L.  Congrats!!

GFCF Flourless Fudge Brownie Cookies

(These are highly addictive and way too easy to make late at night. Don’t hate me for giving you this recipe!  I tried to warn you!)

2 1/4 cup icing (confectioners) sugar
1 cup dutch cocoa
3 egg whites
2 tsp vanilla
chocolate chips for sprinkling on top

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Lightly grease muffin tin.
Mix everything except the chocolate chips together until smooth. This takes a little work but it will eventually combine and look like cake batter.
Distribute evenly into a lightly greased 12 cup muffin tin.
Sprinkle several chocolate chips on the top of each one.

Bake for 15 minutes. The tops will look crackled.

Allow to cool until still just warm. Gently remove from muffin tin.  These are amazing when they’re warm and gooey and believe it or not they are even better the next day when they’re soft and chewy.

It’s a pretty simple concept. Some things are more important than others and should then therefore be given priority.

And yet, putting that into action can seem very difficult. Especially when we’re unclear about what our priorities are.

When you become the parent of a child with special needs your priorities in life seem to suddenly change…drastically!

Suddenly this little being can become your biggest priority, an all consuming, above everything else, priority around which your entire life revolves.

And understandably. We’ve given life to this little person and we feel that giving them nothing less than 200% of our effort to give them the best life possible should be our number one priority…always, every day, every hour, every minute…we’re always thinking about what we can do next to ensure we’re doing our absolute best.

But is that realistic? Is it sustainable? Is it healthy? And at whose expense are you maintaining this priority?

And even if you’ve clearly defined your priorities, are you actually living them or are you constantly distracted by other, less important things? Are you actively paying attention to your priorities? Or are they more like that New Year’s Resolution that goes by the wayside by January 2nd?

Today I’d like for all of us to consider our priorities. This can be a huge topic so we’re going to keep it pretty basic for now.

Let’s start by writing down your top 6 priorities. Need some suggestions to get started? Physical and emotional health, your marriage, your children, family, friends, work, education, travel and leisure.

Now, make a list of your daily activities and how much time you spend on each activity. And be honest! Start from the minute you wake up until you go to bed at night. Now compare your two lists. Do they match up?

The way we live our life tells the truth about our priorities. Are we actually living them or are we just paying them lip service?

Now…here comes what should be the easiest part, but is often the hardest. From your list, choose your number one priority.

Here’s a hint…..IF IT’S NOT YOURSELF IT SHOULD BE!

If you’re not looking after yourself you can’t take care of others. There’s a saying that goes something like, fill your own cup first and then fill others’ with the overflow.

Now trust me, I’m no saint when it comes to always keeping my priorities in line. I’m distracted sometimes and make excuses with the best of them. But it’s the times when I’m feeling overwhelmed, worn out and unfocused that remind me to take a step back, realign my priorities and look after myself.

Making changes so that the way you live is aligned with your priorities doesn’t happen overnight. In these times of instant messaging, instant potatoes and instant gratification we expect things to happen quickly.

But think of it this way. You didn’t get here overnight. So you’re not going to change overnight.

Change also requires small, incremental steps. Suddenly changing things is overwhelming.

So here’s my challenge to you this week. Write down your priorities for yourself. No one else. Just you. Then meet me back here next week and we’ll take that list and put it into action.

And guess what, I’m going to do this with you! I’ll let you in on some of my priorities and we can work on this together.

Necklace Giveaway

This necklace was generously donated by Randi S. a fellow mom of a child with autism. Thanks Randi!

If you feel like sharing your list of priorities for yourself, please do so!! Everyone who leaves a comment below will be entered to win a beautiful Robin’s egg necklace. The winner’s necklace will have white “eggs” in the nest.
For additional entries into the draw just click any or all of the buttons below and share this article to Twitter, Facebook etc.
The winner will be announced in next Monday’s blog post along with our NEXT giveaway!
Good luck!!

*Psst…Be sure to read to the bottom….there’s a giveaway!

What inspired you to write your latest book “Autism and the Grandparent Connection”?

After writing the first two books I was struck by the number of grandparents that would contact me searching for any kind of help and hope that they could get. They all shared a common question: How can I help without interfering? What role can I play? At the same time, I was reflecting on what role my parents and in laws played in our family’s journey with autism.

One thing is for certain, parents of children diagnosed with autism need support; a lot of support. The potential role of grandparents and extended family cannot be overstated. “It takes a village to raise a child.” The burden is emotional, physical, financial and social. Parents need family to help them with this responsibility. It is a load too heavy for one human to bear alone. Too often grandparents think that if they cannot be physically present then their role is less critical. Not true. There are SO many ways to help even if you are thousands of miles away!

You mention on your site that although you are very educated nothing could compare to what you learned from teaching your own son. We’d love to hear a little about him.

 
Kieran is our second child, sandwiched between two sisters. He is now 16 years old. He was diagnosed with classic severe autism when he was 4 years old. Our son existed in a self contained state of social isolation. He had no innate ability to connect with others appropriately. The quietest room inside or the most isolated refuge outside was where we would expect to find him. Kieran seemed unable to distinguish between the adults of family and those of non-family. Climbing into the laps of unsuspecting guests and embracing strangers was disconcerting to us in those early years. His ease with adults sharply contrasted to an apparent dislike of male peers. While physically attacking unsuspecting boys, both large and small, he provided a protective stance for some of the girls in his surroundings.

Those early, formative years of play were shallow, infrequent and often short -lived. Instead, Kieran developed an early addiction to the isolation of television. His repetitive immersion in that world further diminished any social interaction but revealed an ability to echo verbatim what he heard. Those scripts proved to be a light in the dark for us as they revealed a hidden capacity of speech and gave clear evidence of his inherent capabilities.

Kieran became intensely terrified of computers, fax machines and houseflies. He hated sunlight, tags or seams in his clothes and he refused to eat almost everything. When frustrated he screamed at ear piercing pitch and he would hit, rip and destroy anything that he could touch.

The torment within him was heartbreaking. He would hide under tables, cry frequently and inconsolably. Early in life Kieran had a persistent intolerance to changes in routine. Long lasting episodes of tears and pervasive sadness were often the result of taking a detour while traveling, changing the order of errands or altering anything in his environment. The sensory “overload” that haircuts, hair washes and nail cutting caused, created in him sheer terror and nothing less. Our son was a little Houdini in that he would wander off unnoticed in a matter of seconds. He had no regard for his safety. These few isolated vignettes illustrate a snapshot of our confused and troubled son and they point to the despair of his little malfunctioning mind.

At the age of five he began an Intensive Behaviour Intervention program using Applied Behaviour Analysis and working for 20 hours/week with a trained instructor therapist named, Colleen. Within a month we began to witness the transformation of our little boy. The intensity of instruction was releasing his mind from its wiring malfunctions and showing us the true promise of a totally competent being. The change from a little boy who chose to be isolated from peers to a little boy who would seek interpersonal relationships has been a phenomenon. Where he once chose to retreat to his own private world, Kieran now pre-planned engagements with a newly discovered world of friends and playmates. Birthdays, school friends, siblings and cousins were now sources of anticipation and no longer targets of anger and isolation. The growth of an extensive vocabulary and desire to vocalize gave evidence of a totally new child who now chose to express a level of his happiness, his sadness and feelings about himself and those around him. It was as if we were meeting our child for the first time. Our little boy began to be able to articulate his feelings and his preferences without tearing apart a room. The spirit of the boy inside of him began to emerge and at last we tasted the sweetness of hope.
But, a year later, at his sixth birthday, Kieran “aged out” of the Early Autism Program” and our world crumbled once more. Within months, Kieran’s progress slowed. His success had waned considerably. In grade one he struggled with concept development, fine motor skills, eye contact, social interactions, attention to task, and following instructions. I felt as though, once again, the real Kieran Krumins was trapped inside a shell and the only people that could get him out were not allowed access to him. The pain of watching our son slip back to his old ways was unbearable. He had an incredible teacher who loved him with all of her heart but she felt helpless against the strength of the autism. Kieran was well behaved in class but his teacher lamented that she didn’t feel he was truly learning. He would go through the motions of some activities and he would sit quietly and make no disruption. But, this teacher was wise for she knew that a lack of disruptive behaviour did not necessarily mean that a child was learning! The teacher realized that in spite of her best efforts, Kieran was enjoying the fact that no was able to break into his little world.

Despite the fact that he had a terrific teacher his little mind was difficult to tap into. He had no real way of expressing what he knew and what he didn’t. Skills he learned in the class weren’t being transferred at home or even in other parts of the school! Meanwhile, my husband and I researched. We met with many people that told us that IBI would not work in a school setting. I was not convinced. I was even more perplexed that no one could offer an equally valuable replacement for this therapy. If he didn’t have IBI then how would he be taught? There had to be a way to tap into his mind and free him from the stronghold of his autism!
Our desperate need to reach Kieran once again, led us to Dr. Joel Hundert and his team at the Behaviour Institute in Hamilton, Ontario. He believed that ABA was valuable beyond the pre-school age. Armed with a team of willing therapists and a psychologist who shared our aspirations, they created a private program using ABA (not just IBI) techniques.
We were determined to help Kieran to develop those aspects of himself that he found challenging and to use his strengths to motivate his learning. In essence, our goal was to make even his “uneven skill profile.” We guessed that he was an intelligent child that was simply unable to access the learning that happened in a regular classroom without some specialized techniques. Ideally, we had wanted these strategies to be used in a classroom setting. But, change is slow and we had to work with what the school boards were able to offer.
Knowing that our resources were very limited, advocating for the use of Applied Behaviour Analysis in schools became our family’s mission; second only to educating our son in the best methods we knew possible and raising our two daughters.
Like many families in North America, my husband and I knew that if change was going to happen we would have to promote it. Looking back, it was money, energy and time well invested. While our society still has a long way to go in terms of creating schools where every child is able to learn according to the way that their brain is created, I do believe that changes are happening. It must happen. Our society will not be able to financially or morally afford to discount the training of each child’s mind to reach its full potential. Our governments and school boards need to make clear standards that compel the use of scientifically proven methodologies.
When Kieran was finally ready to learn in a regular school environment, he was laced full time in a regular classroom with an Educational Assistant (shared with other kids) and resource withdrawal. He worked at school an at home on social skills and social thinking and numerous sports and activities in the community. He is a socially active 16 year old boy who has great friends and a keen interest in bass guitar. His early foundation has helped him become a good student and he is a dedicated competitive swimmer. The road has not been easy but he has worked very hard to be the director of his own life and not allow the autism to determine his fate. He speaks publicly to educators, peers and professionals because he feels that he has to be a voice for his peers that have no voice. We are very proud!

How has your son inspired you?

Even through the tears, we knew that our son was here to teach us something. Individuals with autism have gifts that they bring to the world. Sadly, the world doesn’t always recognize these treasures. Our own son and the students that I have had the privilege of teaching have made me take a hard look at what I value and what I believe about purpose and fulfillment in life. They have collectively taught me that getting ahead doesn’t always bring real happiness but looking into the eyes of a child that finally conquers a skill…now that is pure joy! My kids have taught me to really tune into my senses; truly feel the sun on my skin and the smell of a spring day. My kids have taught me to slow down and really look at even the most seemingly insignificant things in life and see their glory with new eyes. I have learned that our productivity doesn’t make us loveable; we already are. Our purpose in life isn’t about financial gain and material prosperity; it is about accepting ourselves and being at peace with the essence of who we are; living our lives for the sake of bringing some peace and light to others. My kids with autism have taught me more than I could hope to teach them. Yes, they have brought me frustration, exhaustion and sometimes pain but, over and above that, my students and my own children have pushed me to greater understanding, higher levels of learning and elevated awareness of the gifts that surround us and live in us.

With the diagnosis of autism came a persistent will to learn more, read more, take courses, and to become more. I became tenacious and determined. I learned how to go after what I wanted for him but in the spirit of collaboration. If anyone had told me years before his birth that I would work part time as a teacher, run a therapy program, raise three children and nurture a marriage, I would have thought them crazy! We do not know the strength we have until we are given it. It isn’t until we are swimming for our lives that the lifesavers arrive. My son forced me to stretch every ounce of comfort level and reach into the realm of UNCOMFORTABLE. I have grown stronger, more capable and more self confident because of him.

Living with and teaching children with autism have taught me to value those people that come into my life that give of their time and talent. I am grateful for the countless therapists, doctors, teachers, and fellow parents and paraprofessionals who helped us find our way and our son. I am even grateful for those who were less than helpful. They taught me important lessons about my own attitude and behaviour. I learned that everyone plays a role in shaping the person you become. The debilitating impact of assumptions, glares and disapproval have taught me to teach rather than judge. Information tears down ignorance. I see inappropriate behavior differently now. I can empathize, smile and reassure. I have learned to build relationships in order to create a solid support system for my son and myself. I have become a strong and respectful advocate.

Besides your books, tell us about your other areas of expertise.

Teaching for 22 years in regular and then special education classrooms has equipped me with vast experience in all kinds of learning differences and challenging learning difficulties. But none would compare with teaching my own son both in the general classroom (for two years) and in private therapy at home. It was these experiences that both drained me emotionally and inspired me professionally. Being the teacher and the mom brought me face to face with my own teaching philosophy and my teaching practices. I earned my Special Education Specialist and I undertook extensive training from Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario and the Geneva Centre for Autism in Toronto, Ontario. I am currently working on my Masters Degree in Special Education at the Ontario Institute for studies in Education at University of Toronto.

I am particularly interested in writing and speaking about educating individuals with autism. I am passionate about inspiring those who live with or work with individuals with autism to see hope in the diagnosis and I have had the opportunity to speak in Ontario and in some states in the U.S.. I want to facilitate collaboration, teamwork and mutual understanding in the education of our children. I hope to ease the anxiety that some teachers may feel when faced with the opportunity to teach a child with autism and I want parents to see the gifts that autism brings with it. Yes, these children bring a whole new set of deficits and impairments with them, but, more importantly, they bring with them an opportunity for expanding our skills and growth in understanding. They are not a problem to be solved; children with autism are a gift to be unwrapped. There are many hidden gems inside of each and every child; it is our privilege as educators and parents to be able to find them.

If you had one piece of advice to give parents of children with autism what would it be?

 
One? Keep your expectations high. Build your child’s self esteem by allowing him/her the opportunity to try and to do things for themselves. AVOID being a helicopter parent who swoops in and rescues as soon as things are hard. Kids learn to respect themselves by being self reliant and capable. They do not build self esteem when we solve all their problems. I would also say that provide yoyr child with a lot of opportunities in social activities in the community. They don’t always like them but in order to develop social skills, other skills and relationships our kids need to be involved. Swimming, skateboarding, dance, golf, art groups, and music are all ways to get your child out of the autism world. It is important though, to allow the child to spend time in their world following the more difficult social world! ☺

Last, advocate with self control and respect: the road is long and when we burn bridges we end up hurting our children. There is SO much to say on that one!! ☺

Jennifer is the author three books and also offers coaching for parents of children with autism. Want to connect with Jennifer or purchase books? Check her out on Facebook or on her website!

Giveaway – Autism and the Grandparent Connection Book

Jennifer has generously offered to give away a copy of her latest book to one lucky reader!!

You can enter your name up to 4 times!
Here’s how:
1. Leave a comment below about your experience with grandparents and your child with autism, either positive or challenging!
2. Visit Jennifer’s website and then come back here and let us know which of her other two books look of interest to you.
3. Visit Jennifer’s Facebook page and leave a comment. Be sure to tag Apples to Oranges in your post so I can count that entry.
4. Visit the Apples to Oranges Facebook Page and leave a comment and be sure to tag Autism Aspirations (Jennifer’s FB page) in your post.
Basically, we’d love to hear from you and for you to share Jennifer’s info around so others can discover this great resource!